The Weather of Ohio

It casts a shadow across the land,

 

Many who see it cannot stand

 

The weather of Ohio.

 

 

Sometimes cold, snowy and gray,

 

Then clear and sunny the very next day,

 

The weather of Ohio.

 

 

Meteorologists cannot decide,

 

Whether to stay indoors or go outside

 

The weather of Ohio.

 

 

It sinks its claws of cold air in deep,

 

When we twist and turn and try to sleep

 

The weather of Ohio.

 

 

The heat of the state makes situations dire,

 

As if we are all standing in a big pit of fire

 

The weather of Ohio.

 

 

We'll wait another thousand years,

 

To see if Mother Nature ever cheers

 

The weather of Ohio.

The Sunshine State (Retirement Home)

Palm trees are swaying in the summer breeze,

Mr. Potter sits in his easy chair and pees.

 

Oranges grow plentifully all around,

Ms. Woo in the home can't hear a sound.

 

The waves hit the beach with the sharpness of a sword,

The sunburnt old couples play shuffleboard.

 

When vacation time comes the families arrive,

Mr. Swanson in room 64 is no longer alive.

 

Here are the dolphins coming out to play,

Mrs. Johansson plays bingo all day.

 

Running across the beach is the sandpiper,

Mr. Tanner is quiet, pooping his diaper.

 

The flea markets are full of rich women and men,

Mrs. Andrews is laying there, naked again.

 

The golden sand is soft on the tourists' toes,

Mr. Layton is sick, and should blow his nose.

 

On the clear ocean floor swim several sea turtles,

Mrs. Daniels and Smith try to pull up their girdles.

 

 

The theme parks open and people flock in like sheep,

Mr. Ormond yells: "Cut that racket, we're trying to sleep!"