‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse.
When I heard the noise from downstairs my children were asleep,
They were journeying through dreamland, counting some sheep.
The humming from my front room got louder as I neared ,
That was when I saw the fat man with the scruffy white beard.
He was wearing a large coat the color of an apple,
It stood out from my furniture like a dachshund of dapple.
He was bent over my tree, messing with my kids’ gifts,
He was taking in the Christmas cookies with long, thoughtful sniffs.
He was listening to a gift (a doll) talk with one large ear,
When I finally said: “What are you doing here?”
The man turned in surprise and yet out a short yell,
When he turned his belly knocked down an ornament (a bell).
“Didn’t I say don’t come to my house when my husband’s around,
If he gets ahold of you, he’ll kill you, you’ll drown!
“If he catches you, Nicky, you’re done for, you’re history,
Christmas will be ruined, your disappearance a mystery.
“My kids are here, it is Christmas night!
What are you trying to do, give me a fright?”
The fat man smiled and strode over to me,
His breath smelled of peppermint, his eyes twinkled with glee.
“I have to deliver presents all night, in the cold, on my sleigh,
Can’t I spend a little time with my sweetheart, make my holidays gay?”
His voice was so convincing, his tone was so sweet,
He squeezed me tight in his coat and lifted me off of my feet.
We were kissing each other when my daughter’s presence made me pause,
She was standing there, screaming: “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus!”